


Ships in the night

by jameskirk



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 15:31:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jameskirk/pseuds/jameskirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise's last moments according to her captain. Captain Kirk cannot save his crew. He has failed them. He has failed himself. He has failed his ship. He couldn't treat her like a lady. So she couldn't take the crew home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ships in the night

Captain’s log

Stardate: 2259.65

 

I always tried to treat the Enterprise like a lady. I always did my best to protect her. Even when the going got tough. Because if you treat her like a lady, she will always bring you home. But last night, I couldn’t treat her like a lady. We were surrounded by Klingon vessels. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn’t know what I could do. There was nothing I could do.

I turned to Commander Spock and asked for his opinion. He didn't know either. Which was very unlike him. There was a flash of fear in his eyes. All he said was “Captain Kirk, there is a reason you are the youngest captain Starfleet has ever had.” What was that supposed to mean? Did he mean that I was good at my job? Was he referencing my father? Who, by the way, is a better man than I ever was. He knew what to do in his ship’s last few moments. I did not. I was scared. Terrified. But I couldn't show it. I had to be brave. For my crew. My crew was the best of me.

In a Starship’s last moments, there is a sense of almighty terror in the hearts of her crew. But also an immense amount of pride. To die for the safety of one’s people is the most noble of deaths.

I knew there was not enough time to evacuate the crew. But even if there had of been, I would have stayed put. My life for theirs. That was the Kirk family tradition. Dying for one another. Dying for the ones they love. For their family. And as an enemy once said, “My crew is my family, Kirk. Is there anything you would not do for your family?” And there isn’t. Family isn’t just about blood. It’s about who you are willing to sacrifice everything for. Your career. Your name. Your life.

No ship should go down without her Captain. But in my case, my ship went down with her captain and every single crew member as well.

What scared me the most about being the captain of a Starship was the fact that I would most likely be the one to blame for the death of a crew member. I was terrified of losing them. Even one Ensign. They still had a family. They had people who loved them. And who they left behind would never be able to see them again. I came into this world under my father’s debt. The guilt of another person dying in my place would have crushed me alive. But my father died so that his crew might live. And that was the standard I was presented with growing up. I was never allowed to forget that. But I knew that his sacrifice was wasted on me. I was never worth saving. My crew was worth saving. But I couldn't save them. Not even one of them.

I had failed. I had failed myself. I had failed my crew. I had failed my father. But worst of all, I had failed the USS Enterprise. The flagship of Starfleet. I couldn’t treat her like a lady. So she couldn’t take us home. I couldn’t look after her. So she couldn’t protect us. She couldn’t save us.

I stood at the front of the bridge. I looked each one of the bridge crew members in the eye. My gaze stopped at Commander Spock. I took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. I’ve failed you all. This is all my fault. I can’t fix this.”

 

And then everything went black.


End file.
